You cannot educate the urge to transgress out of young men
That’s the subtitle of writer Ben Sixsmith’s article about talking to boys about Andrew Tate. It’s also an important point that’s been missed in most of the discussion/handwringing/ink-spilling about Tate and other online influencers.
Having raised 4 boys — and grown up with 4 brothers (& married 2 different men, at 2 different times) - I can attest to the trust of Sixsmith’s words. You can be the kindest, gentlest, most evolved & aware parent — someone who treats all humans (& animals) with equal respect, who consistently models thoughtful & kind behavior — and your son will still “misbehave.” He’ll hit someone. Call someone names. Say mean things. Do mean things. He may even engage in absolutely reprehensible behavior.
Boys are human, and humans learn, in part, by doing things and seeing what happens. By seeing how other people respond. Young boys (& girls & nonbinary children) often do the opposite of what we tell or show them, just to see what’ll happen. They’re testing the truth of our words & actions, trying to determine if something bad or unwanted will actually happen if they do the thing we’ve told them not to do.
Slightly older boys (think tweens & teens) often do the opposite of what we’ve told (or shown) them, just to prove to themselves (& us!) that they can. For older boys, it’s all about individuation, about developing autonomy & exploring self-governance. They also do it because they get some pleasure (& status) by not being on “our side.”
Teenagers have been rebelling against adult standards and expectations, well, as long as there have been teenagers. And boys and young men are drawn to power and sex. You can trace that truth all the way back through human history. So, yes, people like Tate are going to attract the attention of young males.
Boys and young men are drawn to power and sex. You can trace that truth all the way back through human history.
(Sixsmith puts this much more bluntly than I just did, asking if it’s really so difficult to understand “why young, hormonally unbalanced lads have a brief attraction to a foul-mouthed multi-millionaire with a fleet of sports cars and an army of half-naked women?”)
That blunt truth, delivered by a guy, is
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