It Gets Easier

Building Boys Bulletin 5-11-26

My three in-state boys took me to the zoo yesterday.

They’re not really boys anymore; they are 20, 23, and 25. They are young adults who each have their own lives and jobs and they planned a zoo outing for me yesterday.

I did that for them for so many years. Zoo outings required thought and planning: Pack the stroller, snacks, sunscreen, hats. Pack a lunch too, probably — something that could be eaten in the parking lot before or after seeing the animals, because the zoo is expensive enough already without paying zoo-prices for food.

Me in the zoo parking lots w Boys #2 and #3, a long time ago

That’s something I learned from my Mom, who took me & my (5) siblings to the zoo (and museum) on a regular basis.

Yesterday, I didn’t even know where we were going until we arrived at our destination. The “boys” planned and coordinated the outing. They drove; my husband and I rode as passengers. They paid for tickets and bought and filled the van up with gas and all we had to do was…have fun. Enjoy the day. Just as I once did for my boys and my mom did for us.

“It Gets Easier, Right?”

We were standing outside the wolf enclosure yesterday, observing three majestic grey wolves, when a woman asked me, “It gets easier, right?”

I turned. Looked down at her two young boys in wagon. Looked back up at her. Smiled. Looked at my guys — gesturing toward them with my eyes — and said, “Yes, it gets easier!”

She was in the thick of it. Her two boys were squabbling over the snacks she’d just handed out.

“Although they do still squabble,” I said, smiling in solidarity and understanding, hoping to convey that, while some things never change, life does get easier and better.

That’s when I noticed her sweatshirt. The words “Boy Mom” were blazoned on the front.

She is one of us. I was her, not so very long ago.

I hope — and think — she caught a glimpse of her future when she saw me and my guys yesterday. I think she saw (& sensed) three young men who prioritized time with their mama yesterday. Three “boys” who didn’t have to be coaxed anywhere, but who showed up and spent the day with their mom because she so often did so for them. Three grown men who took their mom to the zoo because they have fond memories of going with her.

I hope she hangs on to that picture in the hard times. I hope you do too — because what I did and what my boys did is not extraordinary but all together ordinary and typical. I hung in there. Stuck it out. Kept going through all of the hard times, just as you do.

And this, my friends, is where it leads.

One day, your boys may take you to the zoo. Someday, they’ll do the planning and driving. The bickering may still be there, but it’ll be friendly and familiar, not biting.

The hard years don’t last forever. Your boys will become men, and every bit of effort you poured into them will blossom in the most incredible ways.

It gets easier. I promise.

Here’s to building boys!

Jen

P.S. My inaugural Boy Mom Circle kicks off next week! This is your chance to discuss the reality of boy-raising with other moms w get it. More information & registration details are here -

IN THE NEWS

Face Value: Why "Looksmaxxing” is More Than Mewing & Mirrors

Highlights:

• Looksmaxxing is not “just a symptom of social media, though social media made it visible. And nor is it just a symptom of the manosphere, though the manosphere shaped its language and cruelty. It is a symptom of what happens to young men when other sources of value, meaning, and belonging become inaccessible, and they are left alone with their reflections.”

• In some ways, “looksmaxxing is the modern response to centuries-long beliefs about the value of facial aesthetics—the worst excesses of physiognomic racism and eugenics set to a new beat.”

• “What looksmaxxing really reveals is not a failure of individual young men, but a failure of everything around them.”

How to Help Boys Resist the Manosphere: A Guide for Parents, Coaches, & Educators

Highlights:

• “A boy who doesn’t feel safe—who’s been humiliated, let down, or punished for getting it wrong—won’t take the risks that real autonomy requires.”

• “Real safety means creating the conditions where a boy can express doubt, show weakness, ask a ‘dumb’ question, and not be punished for it.”

• “Engagement means connecting boys to things that matter to them, on their terms. When that happens, Mastery follows—because a boy who is genuinely engaged in something will work to get better at it.”

• “For many boys and young men, righteous anger directed outward is a rational response to past hurt or current grievances. The answer is to give him something real to care about, and the sense that he’s actually capable of making a difference.”