Video games aren't bad. Really.
Building Boys Bulletin 3-10-25
Did you know that the hand-held tool physicians use to perform specialized medical procedures is essentially an Xbox controller?
I didn’t either, until a physician shared that tidbit of info with me last week. I’m currently working on an article about the intersection of video gaming technology and otolaryngology (otolaryngologists = ear, nose, & throat doctors), & one of my sources told me that the controller used to perform robotic bronchoscopies — an imaging exam to visualize the inside of your airways — is a modified Xbox controller.
Right this minute, your son may be honing skills that will someday help him save someone’s life!
Video games are not a waste of time
The timing of my conversation coincided with the release of a new post from the American Institute for Boys & Men, The Social Benefits of Gaming for Boys. As they note,
“Gaming is too often seen as an activity that isolates, addicts, and even ruins young men’s lives…[But] for boys, gaming is often a primary space for social connection.”
56% of boys say they’ve made a friend via online gaming. And many boys & young men give & receive social support from their friends while gaming.
Video gaming also helps boys (& others) develop highly-valuable physical and emotional skills, including:
Improved hand-eye coordination. “The hand-eye coordination that comes from playing video games translates to the surgical realm,” Dr. Eric Gantwerker, a pediatric ENT doctor, told me. Studies have shown that people who played action video games while growing up do better at laparoscopic surgery (at least initially) than those who did not play video games — and that teaching people who’ve never played games how to play can enhance their surgical skills.
Enhanced situation awareness & decision-making. Situational awareness is the ability to perceive, understand, & effectively respond to a situation — and in medicine & many other jobs, individuals must be able to very quickly assess and understand a whole lotta info. Success in many video games, especially massively multi-player online games (MMOs), depends on exactly that. (“Someone playing World of Warcraft knows everything that’s going on everywhere. It’s tremendous situational awareness that we wish we could teach in healthcare,” Dr. Gantwerker said.)
Communication & leadership. Yep, the conversations your son has with his friends while playing Fortnite are helping him hone the skills he may need to lead a company (or operating room) someday.
Creativity. One of the best things that video games is that they allow players to experiment with many different approaches. The willingness to try, experiment, and persist is so valuable in so many jobs! Plus, the art and complexity of many video games inspires boys’ creativity as well.
Stop fighting about gaming
None of this means that your son should play video games 20 hours a day. But it does mean that we adults should be a bit less dramatic about our kids’ gaming. It means we should open our eyes (& minds) to the fact that video gaming has benefits. And it means that we should stop fighting with our kids about games.
You can still set limits. That’s part of your role and responsibility. Don’t demonize games, though. Work with your child to develop workable rules. Show interest in your kids’ interests, and help your son see the skills he’s developing as he plays.
Show him a picture of the robotic bronchoscopy controller. I bet he didn’t know that doctors use fancy Xbox controllers either! And who knows? Maybe, just maybe, he’ll develop an interest in medicine.
Here’s to building boys!
Jennifer
P.S. If you liked this post, will you please share it with a friend?
IN THE NEWS
The Social Benefits of Gaming for Boys
Highlights:
“Gaming is too often seen as an activity that isolates, addicts, and even ruins young men’s lives…[But] for boys, gaming is often a primary space for social connection.”
“More than half of U.S. youth have made a friend online. For many boys, gaming is a key way to do so—56% of boys, compared to 35% of girls, report making an online friend through gaming.”
“Despite parents’ fears, research over the past 35 years has found little consistent evidence that video game violence causes long-term or substantial increases in youth aggression.”
Why Today’s Idea of a “Bro” Needs a Serious Overhaul
Highlights:
“Around the 2000s…Bro began its crash-landing into a pejorative with the rise of Midtown-uniformed ‘Finance Bros’ and ‘Tech Bros’ and their ‘move fast and break things’ ethos. Bro was remixed into a problematic archetype.”
“By derisively framing Bro culture as something bacterial, we pathologize and alienate droves of young men, an increasingly lonely demographic with a fast-rising suicide rate—and willingness to cast their vote.”
“When guys refer to one another as ‘Bro,’ it’s a linguistic olive branch rather than a spear.”
“’Bro’ carries a laid-back tone that facilitates leaning in; even preteen boys use it to preserve male intimacy in a society where tenderness is seen as weak. That’s why the gendered ‘I love you, bro’ can be more meaningful than the non-gendered ‘I love you.’”
“‘Bro’ing out’ is the ability to be funny: to deliver a timely movie quote one minute, talk NFL point spreads the next, riff on current events, dunk on another dude with (dis)information, get ribbed, and give a good one right back… It's a competition to test limits and win over more than to win.’”
Highlights:
“The truth is, ‘doing emotional work’ doesn’t have to happen at the altar of sustained eye contact, hushed tones, emotion labels plucked from a feelings wheel, or in gaps of reflective silence… The interplay between sparring, joking, and sharing troubles—adventure and trust—is a healthy form of male vulnerability”
“Sparring signals: If you can take a jab and return fire within the rules, I trust you.”
This Teen Tried Hiding His Autism. His Parents Think It Drove Him to Suicide.
Highlights:
“One night, Anthony said he was going for a walk. Shortly after, his parents heard the sirens.”
“Autistic children and teens have about a 5% higher rate of suicidal ideation and are twice as likely to attempt suicide than their non-autistic peers. For kids who are autistic and highly intelligent − a group called "twice exceptional" − the risk in even higher. A 2023 study from the University of Iowa found kids with autism and high IQs were nearly six times more likely to have suicidal thoughts than non-autistic kids.”
“There are a number of reasons why Gupta believes autistic kids are more at risk for suicide. For starters, he says, many of them think in black-and-white terms… As a result, these individuals may struggle to find hope amid hardship.”
Suicide & the Last Straw: Recognizing Final Triggers
Highlights:
“Suicide is not the result of one adverse event. You’ll see headlines like ‘High School Boy Kills Himself Because of a Breakup,’ but that is not accurate because no one dies by suicide for one reason alone.”
“There can be a precipitating event that serves as a kind of ‘last straw,’ pushing someone into deep despair where they believe their pain is unfixable.”
“While most people…do not attempt or die by suicide when faced with a transition or relationship disruption, these moments do foster stress, depression, and despair. This means we need to provide additional encouragement and support during these times.”
What Republican Men Think About Trump & Masculinity
Highlights:
Most Trump-voting men “don’t want to return to a more traditional masculinity…one that requires men to be aggressive, dominant or stoic. Instead, they want Americans to have a different take on masculinity — one that is positive instead of negative, and broad instead of narrow.”
“Mr. Fischer [age 21] wishes men were given more leeway to be fuller versions of themselves.”
“Younger men were most likely in the Pew survey to say that American society should place more value on men’s soft traits, and that it was acceptable for men to do traditionally feminine things like put effort into their style or take their spouse’s name. Overall, they support gender equality and policies like abortion rights”
ON BOYS Podcast
Raising Awe-Seekers (w Deborah Farmer Kris)
On Building Boys
Fortnite is Note a Waste of Time
…When my son plays Fortnite, he’s developing highly marketable skills. If you think that’s hyperbole, consider the fact that large companies consistently rank “collaboration” and “teamwork” as “very important” or “absolutely essential” on surveys measuring the importance of various employability skills. Already, it’s incredibly common for project teams to collaborate virtually, via headsets and video chat; people who have never met in person often work together to achieve a common goal….
We’re into the second generation of gaming. The parents, especially dads, also grew up playing. My husband, who uses his PS5 to de-stress, has introduced Astrobot to our 6 year old son. He mostly watches but will play for a few minutes under strict supervision. Gaming can be good for hand-eye coordination (along with his piano playing). I just don’t want to lose my little boy to gaming.
Note: my cousin said he wanted to be a professional gamer when he was little. This was back in ‘94 so we just laughed it off, not realizing that it’s a real career. He ended up working in tech, but not in the gaming world.
Great stuff Jennifer. Thank you. The sad reality is that gaming is one of the last places where masculinity and winning are acceptable. Many are trying to snuff this out, but boys can still enjoy competing/winning and losing. Want to de-emphasize gaming for boys? Create more highly masculine, male only areas of play for them where they can cuss, scream, put each other down as a masculinie sign of friendship without women telling them to be nice.