Why I Paused Payment

Building Boys Bulletin 1-12-26

My mom is dying.

She’s 88 years old and has had cancer 3 times (breast cancer once; ovarian cancer twice). She’s 20+ years out from a Stage 4 ovarian cancer diagnosis, & that doesn’t happen, statistically-speaking. Now, her heart and kidneys are failing. That’s likely at least partly due to all of the cancer treatment that allowed her to live all these years — treatment that allowed her to finish raising her children, to attend the weddings of all her children (including my 2nd one), and to meet and get to know each of her grandchildren.

Her forthcoming death is not a surprise; if you read my most recent newsletter, you know I spent Christmas with her and Dad at the hospital in AZ. I’m heading back to AZ (with my youngest son) tomorrow. We called in hospice on Saturday, and this week we’ll move her from the nursing home she’s currently in, back to the house she and my dad have wintered in for years and years. The hospice nurse will visit 2 times a week; CNAs (certified nursing assistants), 3 times per week. In between, I’ll be taking care of her. And my Dad.

I’ll be be working while in AZ — albeit from their back patio or dining room — because this is 2026, I’m self-employed, and I can’t go without income for long. But my focus will be on my family & on the things I absolutely need to do, and I know that means that I probably won’t have much time or energy (if any) to give to this newsletter. It does not seem right for me to continue to accept subscriber money if I’m not sending out the content I’ve promised in return. So, I’ve currently paused subscription payments.

What pausing payments means for you

For most of you — nothing. The vast majority of you are not paid subscribers; I’ve done a pretty bad job of promoting subscriptions lately (& my numbers show it!) Free subscribers will continue to get a newsletter whenever I send a free newsletter.

If you are a paid subscriber, you will not be charged again until I “unpause” payments. If you paid upfront for a year-long subscription, your subscription duration will be extended however long this break lasts.

You may receive a newsletter (or newsletters) from me while payments are paused. You may not. I truly don’t know how the next few days and weeks will go. I know myself well enough to not make any promises any these conditions.

About combining work & caregiving

I wrote my first national parenting article — a piece about labor induction, for Parents magazine — by the light of a laptop computer in an Arizona hotel room, while my 3rd son (then, just a baby) slept in a pack-and-play crib. We’d gone down for Mom’s first big ovarian cancer surgery. My son turned one on that trip; he was also diagnosed with an ear infection on that same trip. Somehow, I wrote the damn article anyway.

22 years later, I’m a little smarter, savvier, and more established. I know that it’s okay to ask editors for grace. I know that pushing myself to (or past) exhaustion is a bad idea. And I know that I’ll need time and space to process everything that’s happening.

But I also know that paid work and caregiving can co-exist. They have for my entire adult life. One of the reasons I feel so confident going to AZ to help with hospice care is because I started my career as a CNA, caring for elderly folks in nursing homes and at home. I’ve been with people as they’ve died, both as a CNA and as an RN, and I’ve been with people as they’re born. I’ve been privileged to care for people at every stage of life — and that, my friends, has made me the person I am. I have learned from people at every stage of life. I am still learning and still growing.

I know the next weeks won’t be easy. Raising boys wasn’t easy either! But raising boys was so, so worth it, and I think this experience will be too.

Here’s to building boys!
Jen