The term manifesto has taken on a negative tinge in recent years, thanks to the hate-filled documents left behind by terrorists and mass shooters.
But before the Unabomber (and others) used the word ‘manifesto’ to describe their often angry writings, the word itself wasn’t associated with hate or violence. From the 1900s through to the 1990s, a manifesto was understood to be a public declaration of beliefs or intentions, often associated with political, artistic, or philosophical movements.
That’s the spirit in which I wrote Building Boys Manifesto a number of years ago, back when manifestos were relatively common on blogs and before numerous mass shooters left behind “manifestos” to defend and explain their acts. Not wanting my words (or website) to be associated with violence or hate, I quietly shied away from manifesto. It’s still on my website, but you either have to scroll down to see it or click, & I think most people miss it. I’ve been okay with that. I really don’t want anyone associating me or my website with hate.
But…I stand by every word I wrote back than. The Building Boys Manifesto sums up what I believe, what my website & newsletter explore and explain. Most of you haven’t yet seen it, so I’m sharing it with you today:
Building Boys Manifesto
We Believe:
1. There’s no such thing as a “typical boy”.
All boys are different. So while boys, generally speaking, are prone to movement and risk-taking, we know that’s not true of all boys. We steer away from stereotypes.
2. All boys can succeed.
We define “success” as productive engagement with the world. All boys have something important to contribute to the world.
3. Asking a 5-year-old boy to sit still for most of the day is ridiculous.
Boys, especially young boys, learn best through play, movement and experimentation. Schools that push early academics hurt far more boys than they help.
4. Playing with sticks, swords, and toy guns is absolutely OK.
The research is clear: there is no link between “violent” play and true violence. Pretend weapons play is perfectly healthy and may help boys cope with their fears and feelings.
5. Boys cry too.
You’ll never hear us say, “man up!” in an effort to stifle emotion. For too long, boys and men have been encouraged to hide their feelings. We want to make it OK for boys to feel (and express) their emotions.
6. Understanding boys is the first step toward effectively parenting and educating boys.
Boys are different than girls, and so is their experience of the world. In order to best help our boys, we need to learn all we can about them and their experience.
7. Boys’ interests should be respected.
Too often, boys’ interests are belittled and considered “a waste of time.” But interest in anything can lead anywhere, and that’s as true for video games and sports as it is for Newtonian physics and engineering.
8. Boys deserve the facts about sex. And relationships.
It’s almost impossible to avoid porn in today’s digitally connected world. That’s why it’s more important than ever to provide our boys with accurate information regarding sex, health and contraception, and why it’s absolutely crucial to talk to our boys about love, respect and relationships as well.
9. Most adults are well-meaning.
The vast majority of teachers, coaches, and parents genuinely want to help the kids in their charge. But they don’t all understand boys, and some haven’t confronted or resolved their own issues. Sharing information and working together is more productive in effecting change than blaming and shaming.
10. Building boys will improve the world.
Healthy, confident boys grow into healthy, confident men. Together, we can expand our boys’ opportunities and make a difference for the next generation.
Here’s to building boys!
Jen
IN THE NEWS
What the Diddy Trial Shows Us About Today’s Image of Masculinity
Highlights:
“What is sold to young men as ‘strength’ is really bravado − compensation for unacknowledged feelings of weakness and fears that someone will think, ‘I'm not manly enough.’”
“For the sake of everyone, we need to encourage boys and men to embrace their full humanity.”
Are Boys Sports Declining? Former Pacers Star, Others, Seek Solutions
Highlights:
“Half of boys aged 6 to 17 participated regularly in sports in 2013. But only 41% did in 2023.”
“I think in the Black communities, brown communities, the sense of hope has kind of dissipated,” Miller says. “And I think that's why boys in particular are saying, ‘Hey, there's no reason for me to do this, because it's not going to lead to anything.'”
A problem: “Today, youth coaches seem to link their self-worth with winning a game more than providing kids with an experience.”
Highlights:
“Boys… are nearly twice as likely as girls to be suspended, and more than twice as likely to be excluded…White British boys on free school meals are the worst-performing demographic, according to a parliament research briefing.”
“Tweaking how you view and support boys in school does not need to have a negative impact on the educational performance of girls.”
I love having a boy. Thanks for all your tidbits and reminders — about what they’re like and how they’re different from, well, girls.
Hi Jennifer,
When I refer to women, I dont refer to your generation (I assume, similar to my mother, who also raised 4 mem. All of the quite successful).
I refer to the generation of feminist teachers that are falling now and have been for the past 20 years.
I am not feminist, sorry. I think men deserve a separte movement, not even with the mental frame of feminist. We dont "have" to be feminists.
For instance, I do not belive men and women are equal: I dont believe in equalizing results. Men produce more and are less dependent on public resources: why should men accept sharing our resources with women thought the tax system?
As a man, and father of a girl and a boy, I am prepared for my boy to have a worst outcome in life, PROVIDED that men resourses are directed by men (and women by women). I believe that the only way each gender will have a guarantee of not being oppressed by the other is that the decision making of the policies affecting that gender (education, health.
, taxes...) is directed by that gender.
As an example: I dont care if men have more University education PROVIDED that men dont have less because they are being artificially blocked by women (or by the Government in the name of women).
I trust men. So I trust that, if men goes less to the Uni is because they are chlsibg better path for them. But this requieres someone to ensure that they are aware of their possibilities and created a system that allow the to thrive. And this means directing men resources to men. Sorry, I dont longer trust a women to do that job.
Women (the current one) have been more concerned about themselves that about their male kids, and are far different to you or my mum. [btw, I am now seeing a new generation of boys mothers that are more aware of the problems and, therefore, have abandonded feminism in full]>
I will not discuss to which extent feminism was required or not. My mother would disagree with you in this point. We had a 1. More productive society, 2. Less loneley society 3. Less sucidal society 4. More kids society... Where is society now better?
Women were in that society better than young men are in the current one.
Young men 1 earn less 2 are less educated [as women were]... But also live shorter! [Women lived longer]
So, in addirion to the social gender gaps that has been ALSO against men in ALL society, Young men now ALSO have the economic gap against them.
Not to mention the dating gap or the empaty gap.
So, no, I dont believe feminist has created a better society or was necesary. It was just a tool to reduce fertility.
And I do belive that the only way to solve this (at least, from a mens perspective) is to give women what women wanted: total independence from men. But I mean TOTAL. And TOTAL means total independence for men... from women.