Yikes. As a mom of four boys with whom I have close, loving, and decidedly not-creepy relationships with plenty of space for boundaries and nuance, my mind is blown by the aggressively salacious language quoted from those #boymom articles. "The term ‘BoyMom’ is a cutesy, nuance-annihilating addition to parental vocabulary, already laden with infantilizing slang that makes its users nearly as childish as their offspring"???? I bet that author is fun at parties. Also, I know it's de rigueur to bring rape culture into every conversation, and of course, it's a real thing, but it helps nobody (boys OR girls) to casually toss it into conversations where there's not a strong case it belongs.
Admittedly, I do know people whose social posts and general attitudes about their young adult sons make me cringe a bit. It's not really about the fact that they are "boymoms", though; it's more that they seem unable to separate themselves from their children as they grow. It reads more as dependence than love, and it does trip a "something ain't right here" trigger in my head. On the other hand, it could happen with children of any gender; I think we're just more conditioned to see it when it's a mom-son than when it's a mom-daughter. Thank you for the reminder that this bias goes way, wayyy back!
This is what I came here to say. It's not really about the "boymoms", it's about the unhealthy attachment and possession that some moms may have. Re: the psychology today article is a great reminder for moms of the south asian community, which is where I am from. It is a known issue that because boys are expected to start their family with their parents, that there higher levels of unhappiness and discontent because the mom sees the DIL as the "replacement" and not the "addition". The abusive MIL trope has been a natural reality for many south asian women and I think that *some* of the social media out there that does reinforce this romanticization of the familial relationship between boys and their mama's. I think that's where the term "mama's boy" may stem from.
However, I personally do not agree with the other articles and am very proud to be a boy mom. I am new on my journey and I subscribe to Building Boys because my values and what I think boys need is 1) something I did not see in my own home, and 2) is very aligned with my values as I break cycles.
I *write Building Boys in part to break generational habits & unhealthy cycles. We can absolutely learn a lot from those who came before us. And we can recognize & acknowledge the harm caused by certain practices & habits. We can do some things differently. (And, like, make some all new mistakes)
No offense to the author of that article but that was such a useless piece of clickbait. Turning a few Tiktok conversations into a "trend" is dumb. Of course there will always be weirdo parents of every stripe who are intense and inappropriate. Boymom can just be a shorthand for those of us who do what we do and doesn't have to automatically refer to those moms who think of their sons as their boyfriends as whatever.
Half the time, nay, most of the time, #boymom is used sarcastically anyway. I mean, yeah, it’s true that our sons often talk about boogers and things like that (mine’s five. He’s in that phase), but our sons are also smart, caring (well, mine is) and all round amazing!!! Oh, and mine also loves bugs and other creepy crawly things. He’s very well-versed in them. He just told me this morning that it would take a snail two hours to cross a soccer field. He’s…Wikipedia!
Excellent point re sarcasm use! In conversation w another mom (who's also a writer & mom of males), we talked about the fact that part of this "conversation" likely stems from taking a few words someone has said or posted as representative of everything they say or think. I mean, I've written 2 whole books about raising boys, but even THAT isn't representative of everything I have to say or think about raising boys.
Yikes. As a mom of four boys with whom I have close, loving, and decidedly not-creepy relationships with plenty of space for boundaries and nuance, my mind is blown by the aggressively salacious language quoted from those #boymom articles. "The term ‘BoyMom’ is a cutesy, nuance-annihilating addition to parental vocabulary, already laden with infantilizing slang that makes its users nearly as childish as their offspring"???? I bet that author is fun at parties. Also, I know it's de rigueur to bring rape culture into every conversation, and of course, it's a real thing, but it helps nobody (boys OR girls) to casually toss it into conversations where there's not a strong case it belongs.
Admittedly, I do know people whose social posts and general attitudes about their young adult sons make me cringe a bit. It's not really about the fact that they are "boymoms", though; it's more that they seem unable to separate themselves from their children as they grow. It reads more as dependence than love, and it does trip a "something ain't right here" trigger in my head. On the other hand, it could happen with children of any gender; I think we're just more conditioned to see it when it's a mom-son than when it's a mom-daughter. Thank you for the reminder that this bias goes way, wayyy back!
Thanks, Meagan! Good point re us all being more conditioned to see (& judge?) dependence/co-dependence differently when it's mom/son vs. mom/daughter.
This is what I came here to say. It's not really about the "boymoms", it's about the unhealthy attachment and possession that some moms may have. Re: the psychology today article is a great reminder for moms of the south asian community, which is where I am from. It is a known issue that because boys are expected to start their family with their parents, that there higher levels of unhappiness and discontent because the mom sees the DIL as the "replacement" and not the "addition". The abusive MIL trope has been a natural reality for many south asian women and I think that *some* of the social media out there that does reinforce this romanticization of the familial relationship between boys and their mama's. I think that's where the term "mama's boy" may stem from.
However, I personally do not agree with the other articles and am very proud to be a boy mom. I am new on my journey and I subscribe to Building Boys because my values and what I think boys need is 1) something I did not see in my own home, and 2) is very aligned with my values as I break cycles.
I *write Building Boys in part to break generational habits & unhealthy cycles. We can absolutely learn a lot from those who came before us. And we can recognize & acknowledge the harm caused by certain practices & habits. We can do some things differently. (And, like, make some all new mistakes)
No offense to the author of that article but that was such a useless piece of clickbait. Turning a few Tiktok conversations into a "trend" is dumb. Of course there will always be weirdo parents of every stripe who are intense and inappropriate. Boymom can just be a shorthand for those of us who do what we do and doesn't have to automatically refer to those moms who think of their sons as their boyfriends as whatever.
I'm crabby today/always.
100%! I can't even call it lazy journalism, b/c journalism would invovle a deeper diver, talking to people on the "other side"
Half the time, nay, most of the time, #boymom is used sarcastically anyway. I mean, yeah, it’s true that our sons often talk about boogers and things like that (mine’s five. He’s in that phase), but our sons are also smart, caring (well, mine is) and all round amazing!!! Oh, and mine also loves bugs and other creepy crawly things. He’s very well-versed in them. He just told me this morning that it would take a snail two hours to cross a soccer field. He’s…Wikipedia!
Excellent point re sarcasm use! In conversation w another mom (who's also a writer & mom of males), we talked about the fact that part of this "conversation" likely stems from taking a few words someone has said or posted as representative of everything they say or think. I mean, I've written 2 whole books about raising boys, but even THAT isn't representative of everything I have to say or think about raising boys.