Raising Boys Isn't a Tragedy. It's an Adventure.

Building Boys Bulletin 6-30-25

“Who would choose to raise a boy?

They place greater demands on the mother’s body during pregnancy and breastfeeding, ultimately leading to mothers of multiple sons dying earlier. They are harder to potty train, more likely to have behavioral and mental health problems as children, less likely to do well in school, and more likely to engage in substance abuse as teens. And that’s without even delving into the dubious cultures surrounding boy-raising…”

Well, then.

Guess there’s nothing left for me to do but wait to die years earlier than my peers who are moms of girls. And push back on this nonsense!

The Stats Sound Scary—But They Don’t Tell the Whole Story

Look, there are kernels of truth in the pessimistic paragraph (which is found about halfway into this long Independent article about raising boys). Boys are biologically more demanding and vulnerable. On the whole, they’re hard to potty train and more likely to have problems in and outside of school. But negative outcomes are NOT written in the stars, are not a predetermined outcome for boys. Despite the forces arrayed against our boys — and us, the parents of boys — it is entirely possible to raise a great guy and mostly enjoy doing so. (Big emphasis on “mostly,” because there will be tears involved. Yours, & his.)

Photo by Jep Gambardella via Pexels

I didn’t choose to raise a boy. I didn’t choose to raise four boys. In my particular case, I happened to conceive four children who were male. They were born; their dad and I raised them. It was that simple, and yet, we faced anti-male sentiment. We didn’t tell anyone we were having a boy when we were expected Son #4 because we knew well, by then, that we’d encounter condolences and faces of pity. Next to no one is thrilled when you tell them you are expecting a fourth boy.

Why the Way We Talk About Boys Matters

How the $&*(% do we expect our boys and their families to thrive if that’s the world’s attitude? If the mere idea of a boy invites fear, pessimism, doom & gloom?

How do we expect boys and their families to thrive if the mere idea of a boy invites fear, pessimism, doom & gloom?

Our boys deserve better. WE deserve better. And so, I’ll push back against the pessimism. I will remind you, again and again and again, as often as needed, that boys are awesome. That raising boys can be an amazing adventure. And that deliberately pushing aside the doom & gloom and concentrating on the amazing child in front of you — yes, even if the “amazing child” in question is actually sequestered in his room and kinda surly and self-centered — is both the best way to raise a great guy and to enjoy the parenting process.

Eventually, that messy Independent article comes around to the same conclusion: “A lot of raising successful young men involves…approaching parenting boys as a positive, enriching experience, rather than an experience in avoiding worst-case scenarios.”

Told ya so.

Here’s to building boys!
Jen

P.S. I’m curious: What’s the worst thing someone told you about raising boys? Leave a comment & let me know.

IN THE NEWS

Porn Literacy is Everyone’s Business

Highlights:

• “What parents don’t often realize is that a lot of pornography finds its way to boys who aren’t looking for it.”

• “We need to explain that porn is not representative of real sexual relationships, and that what they watch online is not what he should expect his current or future partner(s) to do.”

• “A boy whose only framework for sex is based on his experience with porn is probably not going to know how to enter a healthy physical relationship.”

State of American Men 2023: From Crisis & Confusion to Hope

Highlights:

• “In short, boys and men are not all right.”

• “65% of men aged 18 to 23 say that ‘no one really knows me well.’”

• “Around half of men oppose or question policies to empower women. More than half agree that men ‘have it harder than women’ in the US today”

• “Many men perceive their online lives as more meaningful than their offline ones, with nearly half saying that virtual connections are ‘more engaging and rewarding’ than the rest of their lives.”

• “The gender gap in morbidity is also related to the way we raise boys in restricted versions of manhood in America.”

I’m a Gender Researcher & This is the Real Reason Women are Stepping Away from Dating & Relationships

Highlights:

• “Boys deserve better than a culture that mocks their confusion without showing them a path through it.”

• The path forward “begins with both sides recognizing what the other is carrying — and letting go of narratives that cast boys as aggressors before they even reach adolescence”

• “We must also rethink what it means to ‘protect,’ as many men I spoke to believed withholding their emotions was a form of care.”

Mental Health Support is Failing Boys & Young Men

Highlights:

• “Boys and young men in America are navigating mental health challenges without the support systems they need—not because they're unwilling to seek help, but because the help doesn't look, feel, or function like support to them.”

• “The issue isn't indifference. It's invisibility. The systems built to support young people weren't built with boys in mind.”

Unheard Boys, Unmet Needs: Creating Space for Adolescent Boys & Young Men to Thrive

Highlights:

• “Improving boys’ and men’s mental health requires collaboration across youth organizations, local communities, and technology partners. Boys are more likely to engage with programs that feel relevant and interest-based.”

• “Rather than focusing on what boys ‘lack’ emotionally, adolescent boys and young men want to be seen as whole people with strengths, interests, and potential.”

• “While mental health groups and talking groups are good for mental health, I feel it is the lack of purpose that makes most boys think negatively of themselves. I think every young man should have the opportunity to channel their energy into an activity that they truly enjoy…” – teen boy

Real Men Don’t Drink Matcha? These Best Friends Are Challenging Stereotypes by Having a Blast

Highlights:

• They are “helping to break down the ‘weird boundaries’ that society puts on men — and Black men, in particular.”

• "They're…rewriting a lot of the narratives about what Black men should be, what Black boys should be."

The Radical Act of Seeing Black Men

Highlights:

• “We live in a world where Black men are often mischaracterized before they’re ever known. They are labeled before they speak. They are dismissed before they’re heard. That’s not just injustice—it’s erasure.”

• “Living in a world that does not make room for your full humanity and where there’s little space to be emotional, imperfect, or honest can feel suffocating.”

• “When we make room for men to be whole—soft and strong, logical and emotional, flawed and brilliant—we expand what’s possible for everyone.”