Hey! Your post caught my eye on my homepage and I just wanted to send some support your way. Whenever you have a moment I’d be grateful if you could check out my latest newsletter. I’m always happy to support and lift each other up!
Thanks for the work you're doing to raise awareness and reframe the idea of parenting boys. I have done a lot of in-depth interviews with men and it's interesting how almost all of them can recall specific moments of importance from their youth. I've discovered that the most important positive masculine influences they experienced growing up were moments of tenderness and understanding from a man they respected. A lot of men have stories about negative masculine influences but the most positive ones were much more about feeling seen than a demonstration of physical prowess or intimidation coming from an adult male.
Interestingly, men talk about the feminine influences with the same degree of importance as the masculine ones. Those influences have often been more of a factor in a man's ability to build his inner strength...making him more open, accepting, and able to use his sensitivity, curiosity and humility as strengths -- not weaknesses.
Thanks for sharing, Jim! I really appreciate this insight: "the most positive ones were much more about feeling seen." I think it's so important for all of us to read that, to know that, to think about it: We can help boys & men by truly seeing them -- by SEEING them. We humans all want to be seen, acknowledged, & valued, and I can only imagine how powerful it is for a boy, young man, or even older man to be truly seen by another adult male.
I will never not be honest about taking these narratives seriously… despite how taboo it is for a young man to admit his vulnerability, I really must insist in all honesty (and frankly, on behalf of ALL boys and young men): these narratives have been a plague to my soul throughout my life, they keep me up at night, and SHATTER my heart. I refuse to accept anything but unequivocal rejection of such hateful and existentially cruel attacks on BOYS (who are, because people need to be reminded, CHILDREN).
Frankly, these notions are so pervasive and prevalent, sometimes I GENUINELY wonder if I shouldn’t simply agree with them and retire my existence.
We need you, Lance! We, the world, need you and your soft heart & big brain. You're right: it's not okay, what the world does to boys & men. Boys are children and deserve care, protection, nurturing, and love. I won't stop advocating for that.
I appreciate your words and deeds, fortunately, most young men my age aren’t so neurotic as I am… at least I don’t believe they are, it’s entirely possible that they are every bit as sensitive as I am. Frankly, these are not conservations that I would ever have amongst male peers: its implications are too devastating to be worth vocalizing, basically the only solution I’ve found is to simply grit my teeth and pretend as though nothing is wrong and I’m not terrified of the prospect of never finding my purpose.
Hey! Your post caught my eye on my homepage and I just wanted to send some support your way. Whenever you have a moment I’d be grateful if you could check out my latest newsletter. I’m always happy to support and lift each other up!
I have 3 boys and I always get a "wow, they must keep you active" or something on those lines. The truth is they do, and I love it!
With 4 boys, I got a lot of that too! And it was absolutely true. I kinda sorta loved that people acknowledged that too.
Thanks for the work you're doing to raise awareness and reframe the idea of parenting boys. I have done a lot of in-depth interviews with men and it's interesting how almost all of them can recall specific moments of importance from their youth. I've discovered that the most important positive masculine influences they experienced growing up were moments of tenderness and understanding from a man they respected. A lot of men have stories about negative masculine influences but the most positive ones were much more about feeling seen than a demonstration of physical prowess or intimidation coming from an adult male.
Interestingly, men talk about the feminine influences with the same degree of importance as the masculine ones. Those influences have often been more of a factor in a man's ability to build his inner strength...making him more open, accepting, and able to use his sensitivity, curiosity and humility as strengths -- not weaknesses.
Keep up the good work.
Thanks for sharing, Jim! I really appreciate this insight: "the most positive ones were much more about feeling seen." I think it's so important for all of us to read that, to know that, to think about it: We can help boys & men by truly seeing them -- by SEEING them. We humans all want to be seen, acknowledged, & valued, and I can only imagine how powerful it is for a boy, young man, or even older man to be truly seen by another adult male.
I will never not be honest about taking these narratives seriously… despite how taboo it is for a young man to admit his vulnerability, I really must insist in all honesty (and frankly, on behalf of ALL boys and young men): these narratives have been a plague to my soul throughout my life, they keep me up at night, and SHATTER my heart. I refuse to accept anything but unequivocal rejection of such hateful and existentially cruel attacks on BOYS (who are, because people need to be reminded, CHILDREN).
Frankly, these notions are so pervasive and prevalent, sometimes I GENUINELY wonder if I shouldn’t simply agree with them and retire my existence.
We need you, Lance! We, the world, need you and your soft heart & big brain. You're right: it's not okay, what the world does to boys & men. Boys are children and deserve care, protection, nurturing, and love. I won't stop advocating for that.
I appreciate your words and deeds, fortunately, most young men my age aren’t so neurotic as I am… at least I don’t believe they are, it’s entirely possible that they are every bit as sensitive as I am. Frankly, these are not conservations that I would ever have amongst male peers: its implications are too devastating to be worth vocalizing, basically the only solution I’ve found is to simply grit my teeth and pretend as though nothing is wrong and I’m not terrified of the prospect of never finding my purpose.