Jen, reading your post was deeply moving. The way you spoke about mothers needing the most support while raising boys felt so true and honestly long overdue. It’s powerful to see a professional voice like yours not only recognise that but also reshape your work in response.
As someone who’s walked this road alone, raising two boys as a single mother, I know how heavy it can be without a partner’s support. That’s why I write the way I do and for the women I do. Thank you for including my piece in your newsletter. It means a great deal to see it offered in a space that’s now opening up with so much care for mums.
Thank you, Saima! My boys' dad and I divorced when they ranged in age from 3-11, so I spent a lot of years parallel/co-parenting. I know first hand that single moms are often blamed for all the ills that can affect boys -- & that single moms can & DO raise great guys. Keep up the great work!
Thank you for sharing that, Jen. You’ve clearly walked a long and thoughtful path, and it shows in the way you speak about your experience. You’re right, single mums often carry the weight of blame, but we also carry the strength and quiet persistence it takes to raise kind, capable boys. It’s encouraging to hear from someone who’s lived it and kept going with grace.
I was triggered just by reading your reference to getting phone calls from school, Jen! Those years as the mother of a boy were just so hard. But we make it through, with help from people like you.
Maybe your revised newsletter could occasionally feature testimonials from those of us who've made it to the other side and have happy, thriving boys/men who no longer elicit calls from the teacher! (Or emails....I got them both. One year I got them on a almost-weekly basis.)
I love that idea! (I too mostly got emails. And while typing that, I realized that most of them are probably still in my inbox. So I just ran a quick search, & sure 'nough, in less than a minute, I found this one: "I wanted to give you an update on X's behavior today in Language Arts class. X was being continuously disruptive in class today...in the middle of my lesson he decided to stand up and go stand in the corner facing the wall." (To be clear: I don't -- I didn't -- condone that behavior. And also: If I had all the answers, he wouldn't have been doing that stuff in language arts class!)
OMG…The Call. I had a couple of those last year. Assertive play happens. And yes, kids do get hurt. According to my son, he never starts them and he’s just there when it happens (from the info I got from school, it’s semi true. He never starts things but he IS kind of involved. Usually, he’s the one who is trying to break it up). He’s a bright kid who has a lot of big feelings. Yesterday, during piano practice, he got upset because I made him play something over again because he was consistently making the same mistake. He kept on saying that it was hard. And cried. I asked if he wanted to play another song instead but told him that we had to come back to it later. He (surprisingly) recovered quickly! Everything was okay after that
The Call. We all get 'em! (Love that your son is often the one trying to break it up.) Really glad he recovered quickly from the piano drama yesterday. Big feelings are hard to deal w -- both for them & for us as parents, esp. if we're also prone to big feelings. (Raising my hand here...)
It's amazing to me how little support there is for those trying to support boys. It's as if the labels we give to struggling boys ("bully" or "pansy") carry with them the implication that they don't deserve help.
Your intentional shift makes sense. Keep up the good work. My focus is entirely on redefining manhood for men and I've had deep interviews with a lot of them but I've also raised a boy as well as coaching boys (and girls) basketball. I feel a lot of what you write about.
Thanks, Jim. I really appreciate your support. I'd love to hear your insights/thoughts on coaching boys & girls basketball sometimes -- the similarities, the differences, and what you learned re what kids need.
Thank you. I’m one of those moms who would like to change and diversify masculinity. Why do I want to do that? Because men can’t do it alone. It should be their job but I feel that they won’t without a bit of a boost…from a mom. And what’s sad is that this seems to be a no-go topic for many so-called “traditional” feminists. I’ve been shamed for even suggesting that boys need help in that area! And this includes traditional feminists who are moms of boys.
Thanks for sharing, Cynthia. I've encountered what you have as well: a reluctance of some feminists to even consider that boys' & men's issues deserve attention. I've also encountered people who don't think that anyone who identifies with feminism in any way can genuinely care about boys & men.
Jen, reading your post was deeply moving. The way you spoke about mothers needing the most support while raising boys felt so true and honestly long overdue. It’s powerful to see a professional voice like yours not only recognise that but also reshape your work in response.
As someone who’s walked this road alone, raising two boys as a single mother, I know how heavy it can be without a partner’s support. That’s why I write the way I do and for the women I do. Thank you for including my piece in your newsletter. It means a great deal to see it offered in a space that’s now opening up with so much care for mums.
Thank you, Saima! My boys' dad and I divorced when they ranged in age from 3-11, so I spent a lot of years parallel/co-parenting. I know first hand that single moms are often blamed for all the ills that can affect boys -- & that single moms can & DO raise great guys. Keep up the great work!
Thank you for sharing that, Jen. You’ve clearly walked a long and thoughtful path, and it shows in the way you speak about your experience. You’re right, single mums often carry the weight of blame, but we also carry the strength and quiet persistence it takes to raise kind, capable boys. It’s encouraging to hear from someone who’s lived it and kept going with grace.
I was triggered just by reading your reference to getting phone calls from school, Jen! Those years as the mother of a boy were just so hard. But we make it through, with help from people like you.
Maybe your revised newsletter could occasionally feature testimonials from those of us who've made it to the other side and have happy, thriving boys/men who no longer elicit calls from the teacher! (Or emails....I got them both. One year I got them on a almost-weekly basis.)
I love that idea! (I too mostly got emails. And while typing that, I realized that most of them are probably still in my inbox. So I just ran a quick search, & sure 'nough, in less than a minute, I found this one: "I wanted to give you an update on X's behavior today in Language Arts class. X was being continuously disruptive in class today...in the middle of my lesson he decided to stand up and go stand in the corner facing the wall." (To be clear: I don't -- I didn't -- condone that behavior. And also: If I had all the answers, he wouldn't have been doing that stuff in language arts class!)
OMG…The Call. I had a couple of those last year. Assertive play happens. And yes, kids do get hurt. According to my son, he never starts them and he’s just there when it happens (from the info I got from school, it’s semi true. He never starts things but he IS kind of involved. Usually, he’s the one who is trying to break it up). He’s a bright kid who has a lot of big feelings. Yesterday, during piano practice, he got upset because I made him play something over again because he was consistently making the same mistake. He kept on saying that it was hard. And cried. I asked if he wanted to play another song instead but told him that we had to come back to it later. He (surprisingly) recovered quickly! Everything was okay after that
The Call. We all get 'em! (Love that your son is often the one trying to break it up.) Really glad he recovered quickly from the piano drama yesterday. Big feelings are hard to deal w -- both for them & for us as parents, esp. if we're also prone to big feelings. (Raising my hand here...)
It's amazing to me how little support there is for those trying to support boys. It's as if the labels we give to struggling boys ("bully" or "pansy") carry with them the implication that they don't deserve help.
You're so right
Your intentional shift makes sense. Keep up the good work. My focus is entirely on redefining manhood for men and I've had deep interviews with a lot of them but I've also raised a boy as well as coaching boys (and girls) basketball. I feel a lot of what you write about.
Thanks, Jim. I really appreciate your support. I'd love to hear your insights/thoughts on coaching boys & girls basketball sometimes -- the similarities, the differences, and what you learned re what kids need.
Gladly. Vastly different experiences. Vastly.
Thank you. I’m one of those moms who would like to change and diversify masculinity. Why do I want to do that? Because men can’t do it alone. It should be their job but I feel that they won’t without a bit of a boost…from a mom. And what’s sad is that this seems to be a no-go topic for many so-called “traditional” feminists. I’ve been shamed for even suggesting that boys need help in that area! And this includes traditional feminists who are moms of boys.
Thanks for sharing, Cynthia. I've encountered what you have as well: a reluctance of some feminists to even consider that boys' & men's issues deserve attention. I've also encountered people who don't think that anyone who identifies with feminism in any way can genuinely care about boys & men.